


Stolen Lullabies

by theIronStark3000



Series: Obi-Wan Kenobi Whump Collective [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Anakin Skywalker Loves Obi-Wan Kenobi, Anakin Skywalker Needs a Hug, BAMF Obi-Wan Kenobi, Cancer, Family Bonding, Graphic Depictions of Illness, Grief/Mourning, Human Disaster Anakin Skywalker, Hurt Obi-Wan Kenobi, Major Illness, Master & Padawan Relationship(s), Obi-Wan Has Cancer, Obi-Wan Kenobi Loves Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, Padawan Anakin Skywalker, Parent Obi-Wan Kenobi, Post-Star Wars: The Phantom Menace, Protective Anakin Skywalker, Young Anakin Skywalker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:21:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26028652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theIronStark3000/pseuds/theIronStark3000
Summary: Knight Kenobi is diagnosed with cancer just months after Qui-Gon's death.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker
Series: Obi-Wan Kenobi Whump Collective [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1889335
Comments: 16
Kudos: 208





	1. Chapter 1

It started with a radiating, dull pain in Obi-Wan’s right knee. He chalked it up to aggravated old injury, something that didn’t heal right. The pain worsened, leaving him with a recurring limp. He noted other changes. Obi-Wan’s skin was littered with bruises, not unusual when you’re as accident prone as Kenobi. 

  
But he noticed how easily he bruised, even accidentally bumping his knee into his light stand left him with a large, ugly bruise. His nose frequently bled, it was difficult to stop and would run like a faucet at inconvenient times. At night, his leg pain was worse, causing difficulty sleeping, not that he slept much before. He easily sweat through his clothes, taking to sleep in his small clothes only.   
  


His body did not feel like his own. At first, Obi-Wan wondered if his grief was manifesting itself as physical. It had only been a few months since Qui-Gon died. Certainly, it couldn’t be anything else. The young Knight promised himself to make sure he got enough sleep, ate more, and drank more water.   
  


While Anakin was in classes, Obi-Wan began to take daily naps, fighting a chronic wave of exhaustion and brain fog. It wasn’t unusual for him to fall asleep during council meetings, mediation, or his own classes.The latest symptom was devastating, he would be stricken with an awful headache about 3 pm every afternoon. Obi-Wan would curl into a ball, try to ride it out until it was time to pick up Anakin from the Creche.   
  


He frequently felt ill and rundown. Unlike his usual exhaustion, meditation, Force Healing, and tea did not touch it. At first, Kenobi did okay making sure he escorted Anakin to classes, helped with homework, taught him katas and mediation. He made sure Anakin ate, bathed, and put him to bed.

Obi-Wan expended every bit of energy he had caring for Anakin. They built a fragile training bond. The young Jedi Knight tried to help forge their new apprenticeship. As tired as Obi-Wan felt, he had yet to slip up. 

* * *

There came a discernible moment Obi-Wan Kenobi realized something seriously was wrong. One afternoon, the young knight failed to pick up Anakin from his classes. Anakin absolutely panicked, his control over his emotions and the Force were a little finicky.He began to levitate items in the room with the Force. The boy sobbed, “Obi-Wan _forgot_ me.” His lip wobbled as he sobbed.   
  


The entire Temple searched for Knight Kenobi while Master Plo desperately tried to soothe Anakin. No one could calm him though, they needed to find Obi-Wan before the kid hurt himself. Windu knocked on the door of the Kenobi-Skywalker apartment, “Kenobi!”  
  


Hearing no answer from Kenobi, Windu punched in the override code and found the Knight passed out on the couch. The Jedi Master was struck by how incredibly young and pale Kenobi looked.

If the bags under his eyes were any indication, the Knight was not sleeping well. If it weren’t for a frightened, distressed Padawan, Windu would not dare wake him.

A quick sweep through the apartment informed Windu that the young man was sleeping on the floor in Jinn’s old room. It appeared he made no effort to make the bedroom his own. The entire apartment looked almost if Qui-Gin was merely away on assignment rather than one with the Force.

It was deeply concerning, Obi-Wan hadn't touched anything of Qui-Gon, not even his closet. The Knight had his things in boxes instead.  
  


A pang of guilt struck Windu, he wondered if anyone had been checking in on Kenobi. The boy had been the Council’s primary concern, not the twenty-five year old Knight. Windu did note, outside of today’s incident, the boy was well cared for.

The kitchen was well stocked, the boy had several toys and a set of tools. Obi-Wan had sit up a table for him to tinker on whatever gizmo the boy got his hands on.

There were several children’s book beside Anakin’ bed and bubble bath in the bathroom. Obi-Wan doted on the boy that much is clear. A sound of distress broke Windu’s train of thought. Kenobi whined, thrashing and moaning in pain, quietly asked over and over again for Qui-Gon.

Nightmares. Sleep deprivation. Exhaustion. That would explain the forgotten Padawan. Kenobi was not known to be cruel or neglectful. 

“Kenobi. Wake up! It’s just a bad dream.”, Windu shook him gently.   
  


Kenobi whispered in a soft, broken voice , “M-master?”

“Master Jinn is not here.”

Kenobi opened his eyes panicked when he realized that he did not hear his Master’s voice but another, “Windu?”

”Kenobi, did you know you slept through pick up?”

”Oh, gods. Is Anakin okay?”

“He’s understandably quite upset. You need to come with me.”

”Of course.“ Kenobi grunts trying to push himself on his feet. Windu notices he’s favoring his right leg. And he felt the Knight's shields slip momentarily. Master Windu has no idea how Kenobi is even managing to remain upright feeling the pain radiating off him. 

The Jedi knight pulls on his boots and follows Windu with urgency in the direction of the Crèche. He tries to send reassurance-calm-affection through the fragile bond.

_< I'm on my way, dear one.> _

Obi-Wan released his panic and concern in the Force. An overwhelming desire to protect and reassure Anakin over came the young man seeing his Padawan in distress _. Is this what being a parent is like?_ He immediately approached Anakin with a gentle, reassuring voice, "I'm right here, love. Can you look at me?" 

"I thought you forgot about me.", the boy sobbed.

"I'm so very sorry. I-I overslept."

"D-Don't leave me. I-I want to be a Jedi." 

"Do you think you breath with me and put those items down?", Obi-Wan said gently, trying to calm him, the items still levitated. 

"I-I don't know how?", Anakin's voice hitched. 

"Follow me.", Obi-Wan took a deep breath, he inhaled and exhaled, "I want you think of something that makes you happy. Describe it to me." 

" Can I tell you about my m-mom?"  


"Of course, Ani, it's more than okay to love your Mom.", Obi-Wan reminded him. The Jedi Knight sends his appreciation through the Force to Shmi for making sure _their boy_ knew love. 

Anakin listens, he thinks of his Mom, her warm hugs. Her gentle touch comforting him when he's sick. Her kisses on her forehead when she's proud. He focuses on Obi-Wan's breathing, trying to match his pace. They reach for each other through the Force, strengthening their bond. Anakin realizes that Obi-Wan feels warm, like sunshine and breezey winds on a bright spring day like their day in the gardens mediating. It's nice. Obi-Wan encourages him, listening attentively, offering praise and guidance. Their breathes sync, Anakin doesn't even realize it, but the items stop levitating and the room settles. 

Obi-Wan drops down to his knees, arms extended to catch Anakin in a hug.The little boy crashes into him, "I-I was so scared. Please don't be mad with me."

"Mad? Oh, little one, never. Please forgive me for being late, Padawan-mine." Obi-Wan presses a kiss to the boy's forehead. He bows his head in apology. 

"I forgive you." 

"We should get you home.", Obi-Wan announces, sending Anakin to collect his things.

* * *

Anakin's Force presence burns with the intensity of Tatooine's twin suns at the hottest point of the day. It can be overwhelming even when Obi-Wan's shields are in tact. With his headache and exhaustion, it makes him even more sensitive. Obi-Wan tries to hid his wince as it aggravates his headache. He overexerts himself trying to shield his mind, his nose began to bleed again. 

The Jedi Knight tries desperately to use his sleeve to stop the bleeding before Anakin returns. Anakin's lip wobbles again, "Obi-Wan?" 

  
"Just a nose bled.", Obi-Wan reassured. When the padawan reaches for his stretched hand, the Knight recoils like he's been burned. 

"D-Did I hurt you?"

"Your Force signature can be overwhelming.", Obi-Wan explains gently. 

"Oh. Should I not touch you then?"

"I offered my hand, young one. We'll just need to work on your shielding." 

"You should go to the Halls, young man.", Master Plo frowns when the Knight's nose continues to bled. 

"Thank you for your concern, Master. I-I think Anakin should be looked over."

Master Plo sends him a look, "Of course. May the Force Be With you, Knight Kenobi."

"And also with you, Master."

Anakin can feel Obi-Wan tense at the suggestion. His Master doesn't like the Halls of Healing. Now that their bond is strength, the padawan can feel how anxious and unsettled Obi-Wan grows as they reach the Halls. Healer Bant is waiting for them, one of the Councilors must've sent a word. 

"Anakin, this is Healer Bant. She's one of my oldest friends." 

"It's nice to meet you, Healer Bant.", Anakin gives her a charming smile. 

"And you, Padawan Skywalker." 

Anakin doesn't let go of Obi-Wan's hand. He's not afraid of the Healers, but he knows Obi-Wan is.

Bant leads them to a room to the right of the halls, she's crafty, "Obi-Wan, why don't you go first? To show Anakin that it's no big deal to get a check up, think you can do that for me?"

"I suppose so." Obi-Wan suppresses a sigh.

"It will be okay, Master.", Anakin said, with calm and reassurance that a nine year has no business possessing. 

Obi-Wan does as Bant asks and removed his tunic. The first order of business is to pack his nose with gauze to stop the bleeding. It's stubborn, requiring a bit of gauze and an ice pack. She frowns at the sight of the bruises that litter his skin. Bant weights him, he's lost twenty pounds since he was here three months ago. He rattles off the symptoms of lack of appetite, chronic fatigue, nose bleeds and headaches. 

  
<"You're anemic." >, Bant announces over their friendship bond after pricking his finger with the scanner.

<"Is that why I've felt poorly?"?

<"Quite likely. I'd like to drawn some blood.">

Anakin frowns, he doesn't like that the adults are quietly communicating. It worries him, Bant and Obi-Wan notice his projection. 

  
"Would you like if I told you some stories of your silly master when he was a kid?"

"You knew Obi-Wan when he was a Padawan?"

"I sure did."

"That's wizard!"

Obi-Wan hates needles. Anakin settles in his lap hugging his Master while Bant prepares his arm for the blood drawn. He takes a deep breath, and the Healer sticks him gently. She takes several vials full, and runs them through the processor. She notes how long it takes the blood to finally clot, and bandages the site. Bant wants to admit Obi-Wan and keep him overnight, she doubts he'll agree.

Once Obi-Wan's check up is done, he scoots over and Bant looks over Anakin. Anakin notices Bant didn't need to drawn his blood, but doesn't ask questions. He laughs when Bant gives both the Padawan and Master suckers. Obi-Wan gives Anakin, a warm smile, a real smile, Anakin wishes his Master would smile like that more often.

By the time, Bant's finished looking over Anakin, the processor beeps signalling its completion. Bant looks over the results, and she tries to hide the frown tugging at her lips. But Obi-Wan knows Bant, she can't hid her emotions from him. 

<"What's wrong, Bant?"> Obi-Wan presses, notices Bant's concern while they wait for the blood tests to process. 

<"You are very ill, Obi-Wan. It's beyond my expertise."> Bant scribbles something on a card, a referral to a doctor at the hospital in the heart of Coursant. If the Jedi can't treat him, it must be serious. 

<"What do you suspect?">

<"Leukemia. I'm so sorry, Obi.">

<"I-I need to get Anakin home.">

<"You need to go to the hospital.">

<"Can it wait until tomorrow?">

<"No.">

<"Tomorrow, I'll go see the doctor, I promise.>

<Kenobi, you're making a poor choice.>

<"His life has been in upheaval. Let me give him one more evening of normal, Bant, please.">

<"Tomorrow, I'll go with you myself if you like.">

<"Deal.">

By this point in the appointment, Anakin is too tired to care they're talking quietly without him. Anakin yawns, and Obi-Wan wraps an arm around him. Obi-Wan gathers their things, shuffling the sleepy boy int his arms. He slings Anakin's backpack over his shoulder. 

"I-I can walk.", Anakin protests, resting his forehead against Obi-Wan's shoulder. Obi-Wan smiles at the warm, weight of the boy his arms. He doesn't want to let him go.

"Indulge your silly master, would you?"

"I guess." 

Obi-Wan releases his feelings into the Force, he can freak out later. Right now, he's got a kid to fed dinner. There will be homework to help with. The usual bedtime routine with bath, stories, and tucking the kiddo in. He tries to keep his mind off tomorrow, throwing himself into giving Anakin a wonderful evening. Kenobi indulges the boy. They read two stories at bedtime, and Kenobi gives a thousand forehead kisses.

He holds it together until Anakin is sleep. Once he's alone in his room, Obi-Wan wraps himself in Qui-Gon's cloak and sinks to his knees. He presses his face into his Master's cloak, and sobs.


	2. Chapter 2

The knight wore a sweater the boy hadn’t seen before. It’s too big for Kenobi, swallowing him. He must be wearing Qui-Gon’s sweater. It makes Anakin smile.   
  


Anakin noticed Obi-Wan was awfully quiet over breakfast. Since Qui-Gon’s funeral, the knight had days when he scarcely spoke. There was an understanding between them, a Qui-Gon shaped absence in their home, perhaps they always would. 

The kid knew Obi-Wan didn’t eat or drink like usual. Adults typically get upset when you question them. So Anakin lets it go. Obi-Wan wasn’t always so serious, the Padawan wondered if it was sadness or something else.   
  
  


<“Are you missing Qui-Gon today?”>, Anakin whispered through their new formed bond.   
  


Obi-Wan looked surprised, they hadn’t been able to communicate over their bond yet. Anakin didn’t comment on the wetness in his Master’s eyes.   
  


<“I miss my Master greatly, little one.”>

<“I miss him too.”>   
  


  
<“Would you like to hear a story about Master Jinn?”>

<“Yes, but will it make you sad?”>

A sad smile, tugs at Obi-Wan’s lips. The boy is perceptive and smart. Kenobi takes a steadying breathing, thinking about his answer.   
  


<“Yes, and no. It is better to know what Love feels like than to never have experienced it.”>

Obi-Wan encourages Anakin to eat his breakfast, and he tells the boy stories of his boyhood. Once he’s finished, Kenobi offers to fix his Padawan’s hair.   
  


Anakin carefully watched him braid the hair. Once Obi-Wan has tied it carefully, he pulled a leather pouch from his pocket. 

“Padawan, We recognize achievements with different beads. I am so proud to present you with the green bead of growth.”, Obi-Wan carefully add it to the strand of hair.

”What does it mean?”, Anakin asked excitedly.   
  


“Yesterday, you were upset. But you were able to find your center and overcame your fear. I believe you will be a great Jedi, Anakin.”   
  


“I couldn’t have done it without your help, Obi.”

”I merely guided you, as I. You were very brave, and learned a new skill.”

”Thank you, Obi-Wan.” Anakin hugged him. Obi-Wan made a small sound of surprise, and squeezed back gently.   
  


He sent the boy to put on his boot and cloak. Obi-Wan walked him to the crèche. The Knight stayed until the boy disappeared from his sight.   
  


Obi-Wan returned for his quarters to change into soft pants, t-shirt, and hoodie. He slipped into a sturdy pair of canvas shoes and met Bant outside on the Temple steps.

* * *

They caught a bus into town, and arrived at the hospital. Once they arrived at the cancer center, the nurse showed them to their room. Obi-Wan changed into a gown, and sat back on the exam table. Bant held his hand, they didn’t talk much. Obi-Wan wasn’t in the mood.   
  


The rest of the morning is a blur of things Obi-Wan would rather forget. His blood is drawn again. He undergoes a PET scan and MRI. His least favorite procedure by far is the bone marrow aspiration. His hip bone still aches with a dull throb. They asked him to lay flat afterwards. He wouldn’t be able to spare Anakin this evening. 

Bant gently rubs circles on his arms as he squeezes his eyes shut and cries quietly. After an hour of being flat, the nurse allows him to gently sit up. Obi-Wan is thankfully for the moment he is given to change his clothes, and have a snack. It’s the first thing he’s eaten all day, a pack of cookies and orange juice.   
  


His counts are low enough, the doctor orders a blood transfusion. And Obi-Wan sits in a recliner with a warm blanket in his lap, reading a holo novel while he gets blood product. The nurse brings them both lunch.   
  


“Are you feeling, Obi?”, Bant asks quietly, while she knits.   
  


“Anxious. I just want to know.”, Obi-Wan exhales. 

”I promise to treat you to Dex’s.“

“I’ll hold you to it.”

They eat lunch together waiting to hear any updates. Bant asks him about Anakin to distract him. Obi-Wan eventually moves from the recliner to the hospital bed where he settles in a child’s pose and mediates. 

  
He returns from his mediation much more centered. Kenobi lets Bant teach him how to knit, and resolves to knit Anakin all the soft things for winter.   
  


It isn’t much longer before they finally hear a knock at the door. The nurse comes by to disconnect Obi-Wan’s lines. She puts a rubber cap at the end of catheter, “When you come back later this week, we won’t have to stick you again, just be careful to leave the cap on and don’t pull the line out, okay?”

“Thank you.”

  
“I’ll escort you to Dr. Felian‘s office. She will go over your results with you, Ben.”

Obi-Wan nodded. Bant pushes Obi-Wan’s wheelchair. Dr. Julia Felian introduces herself and shakes Obi-Wan’s hand. She’s professional and kind, with a gentle, reassuring voice. Yet she doesn’t sugar coat things.   
  


Dr. Felian walked them through the break down of his labs. Obi-Wan is thankful how she explains the best test results and scans. They’re still waiting on the bone marrow biopsy.

”Ben, you have acute lymphocytic leukemia.”

”What’s my prognosis?”

”It’s an aggressive cancer with an equally intensive treatment that usually requires several years of chemo.”

  
  
Obi-Wan is quiet. He thinks of Anakin, whose life is going to change yet again. He promised Qui-Gon he’d train the boy. Obi-Wan will live to see the big knighted. He promised. Tears sting in his eyes, he chose to ignore them. He will not not die and abandon the boy.   
  


”What happens next?”, Obi-Wan’s voice wobbles. 

”I’ll see you on in two days. You’ll have a port placed. On Saturday, we’ll start treatment. The first round happens in three short, but intense outpatient cycles.”

“What will the treatment entail?”

”At a minimum, two or more years of chemotherapy as long as there are not set backs or the cancer is testament resistant.”

“C-can you write this down for me?”

”Sure, Ben.”, the doctor squeezes his hand reassuringly. She sends him home with a pamphlet on possible side affects of treatment. He hasn’t thought that far yet.   
  


It’s a quiet journey back to the Temple. Bant calls for a taxi instead, giving them some privacy. Obi-Wan lays his head on her shoulder and sleeps on the ride back to the Temple. 

* * *

Obi-Wan tries to give Anakin as much normalcy as possible knowing they have two days together before his surgery. Despite his sore hip, Kenobi met Anakin in time to pick him up from school and taught him a few katas. He carefully demonstrated the form then encouraged Anakin to show him what he learned while the Knight watched.  
  


They go to Dex's afterwards as a treat. Anakin is delighted, but knows something is up. Obi-Wan even let him have ice cream, a special treat only reserved for celebration. Anakin doesn't ask until they get back to the Temple, they sit in the gardens watching the sunset together. 

"Obi-wan, is something wrong?"

"I have some news."

"Okay." Anakin is quiet, he knows what it's like when adults get worried, nothing good ever happens. 

"I'm very sick, Padawan."

"Can't the Healers make you well?" 

"No. I have cancer. It needs a special treatment. It'll make me very sick. I might throw up, lose my hair, and feel icky." 

"Are you going to die?", Anakin worried. There weren't many illness or injuries there weren't cures for. 

"I-I don't know. I hope, I won't die til I'm old and grey. But we never are never given guarantees, Padawan."

"What's going to happen to us?" 

"Well, I need to talk to the Council. I promise I will not abandon you, little one." Obi-Wan would walk away from the Order before he breaks him promise to Qui-Gon, to Anakin. 

"I'll still be a Jedi?" 

"Yes, love, I promise you will be a Jedi."

"I-I don't want you to be sick.", Anakin's lip wobbles, he tries not cry.

"Oh, Ani, it's okay to cry."

Obi-Wan holds Anakin, and they both cry. They talk for a very long time, Obi-Wan answering each and everyone of Anakin's questions to the best of his ability. He doesn't shy away from telling Anakin the truth. The boy values truth, and does not tolerant being lied to. They have a difficult conversation about death, Qui-Gon, and cancer. Obi-Wan is sadden to know his padawan lost a little bit of innocence. That evening, Anakin asks to sleep in Obi-Wan's room and the Knight allows it. 

In the days leading up to the first cycle of chemo, Obi-Wan begins by orchestrates a rotating list of caregivers. He quietly informs the Council of his illness. The Jedi High Council rules Anakin will continue as Obi-Wan’s Padawan, their bond is secure and it would be detrimental to the boy’s training to sever it. Their proposed solution while unorthodox, would best serve the Knight-Padawan duo. Master Plo Koon offered to support the pair. Obi-Wan would be the boy’s primary caregiver and Master. And as needed other Councilors would be more than happy to over see Anakin. 

  1. Anakin need exactly two stories each night and a thousand forehead kisses.
  2. He hates sitting still, it’s more effective to walk him through guided mediation or let him tinker with his hands.
  3. He doesn’t like to brush his teeth, you have to check the brush itself. He’s sneaky like that.
  4. Anakin sleeps with a stuffed bantha and if you take it from him Kenobi will punch you. 
  5. He needs hugs and affection. This is a child that was raised by a family. Kriff attachment. He needs family structure.
  6. He doesn’t like to call anyone Master. For Force Sake, he doesn’t have to. The kid grew up in a very different context and words have different meaning.
  7. Anakin needs to be a kid. Let him play with his toys. Take him the park. Let him build his droids.
  8. The Kenobi Rule of Parenting: Is it hurting anyone? No? Then kriff off and let him be.
  9. On Tuesdays, Obi-Wan takes them both to the Mind Healers. They go Dex’s afterwards, it’s tradition. 
  10. Anakin needs reassurance and encouragement. He thrives on words of affirmation and careful guidance. Let him do it. 
  11. They write letters to Shmi. Obi-Wan keeps them in box in case, she can read them someday. He gets homesick sometimes, that’s normal.
  12. On Fridays, Obi-Wan observes “Yes Day”, whatever Anakin wants within reason of course, they do. He decides what they do that day.  
  




Obi-Wan asked the Council not to speak with Anakin on the matter. He would like to tell the boy himself. The Knight quietly informed each and everyone of Anakin’s teachers. He made and froze meals all of the boy’s favorite meals. 

Obi-Wan wrote lesson plans, and care instructions. It makes him cry to think of being separated from Anakin. He would rather be at the Temple caring for Anakin than being at the hospital. 


	3. Chapter 3

Obi-Wan tries to not make his first chemo session a big deal. Realistically it’s going to be apart of their lives for a while. They follow their usual morning routine. Obi-Wan manages a light breakfast of toast with jam, a banana and tea, knowing he probably won’t want to eat later. He’s not dressed in his usual Jedi clothes, but a pair of sneakers, hoodie, and joggers. It bothers Anakin, he knows today is different. 

They talk about Anakin’s day and how Master Plo will pick him up. He’ll mediate with Master Yoda and learn katas with Master Windu. Obi-Wan answers any lingering questions his Padawan has. Kenobi is transparent about the possible side affects, he may feel icky this evening. Anakin listens attentively, not wanting to let go of Obi-Wan's hand. He has a burning question, and fidgets nervously, not sure if it would be okay to ask. 

"Padawan?"

"I-I have a question."

"You can always ask me anything." 

"Whose's gonna hold your hand when I'm not there?" Anakin asks with such a seriousness a nine year old should not know. 

"Oh, well, I suppose a nurse or friend will." 

"I-I asked Mister Koon if we could send you with this.", Anakin pulled a stuffed porg out of backpack. It warmed Kenobi to think of Anakin and Master Koon in the toy store.

"Oh, Ani. Thank you for thinking of me.", Obi-Wan happily accepts the stuffed animal, showing Anakin where he put the stuffie in his hospital bag.

  
Anakin’s separation anxiety intensifies during drop off. Obi-Wan hugs him, brushing away tears and promises to be home for dinner. It hurts the Knight to watch Anakin go. He can’t protect his Padawan from this. _Did Qui-Gon ever feel this way?_

Anakin pulls across their shared bond with a whisper of affection, <"May the Force Be with you, Master."> The significance of the words are not lost on Kenobi. 

<"And with you, Padawan-mine.">

* * *

Obi-Wan elects to go to treatment alone despite Bant’s advice. It’s a long morning: a bus commute, filling out paperwork, another blood drawn a check up, and meeting with the oncology team. Typically, there is a lot of waiting and sitting. He passes the time with reading, taking a sip of tea from his thermos, a jasmine tea, Qui-Gon preferred. The knight keeps a notebook for questions and information he know he won't likely remember later.

Once his oncologist confirms his blood cell counts are high enough for treatment, they go over the results together. She orders his pre-treatment meds and chemo. A nurse takes them to a room of cubicles where other patients are receiving treatment. The nurse accesses his port, which he finds uncomfortable, and stars an IV drip. Obi-Wan receives fluids, anti-anxiety meds and antiemetic drip while the chemo meds are mixed by the pharmacy.

He prepares his small space, a photo of Qui-Gon and one of Anakin and himself at the zoo sit on his little table. The knight pulls the stuffed porg out of his bag and sits it in his lap. The pre-meds make him sleepy, and Obi-Wan lays back in the recliner closing his eyes. The nurse returns nearly an hour later, Obi-Wan has always been a lighter sleeper and looks up at her expectantly. 

"Hi Ben, I'm going to set up your pump and run your infusion. It'll take about four to six hours to run your first cycle."

He nods, unzipping his hoodie and allowing her to access his port with another needle. Obi-Wan closes his eyes, taking a centering breath. He squeezes the stuffed porg in his hand. The nurse puts the chemo on the IV pole, and programs the pump for a slow, steady pace. He shivers miserably feeling the chemo enter his veins, even his teeth chatter. The nurse gives him a warmed blanket, showing him where the call button was located and vomit bags are. She encourages him to munch on a few saltine crackers and sip ginger ale to help with the nausea.

Obi-Wan feels very self-conscious about not being alone. He wishes for privacy and quiet. The infusion room is not quiet, but its not solemn either. The cancer ward does not feel like death. Obi-Wan shivers, and not just out of cold this time. The Force here is warm, vibrating with life and determination. Other patients sleep, read quietly or craft. Some play cards, talk and laugh. His neighbors on either side had tried to introduce themselves earlier, but he quietly brushed them off. He doesn't plan on sticking around here long enough to make friends, not when there is a risk they'll die. He doesn't think he can watch another friend die, not after Qui-Gon.

He tries to stubborn his way through it, not wanting to cry when it burns like acid. Obi-Wan tensed his jaw, forgetting to take deep breathes. His hands shake, his teeth chatter, he's so very cold. The Knight wasn't expecting a hand to take his, the woman, Robyn, she's about fifty years old with salt and pepper grey hair. Her face is lined with laughter and age, her touch a kindess, an anchor, he will not turn her away this time. On his right is a young man, about twenty. His name is Tenzen, he's been here the longest.

  
"You'll find you can't fight, run, or talk your way out of this one, darling. ", Robyn soothed. The tears spill out of Obi-Wan eyes, he can't fight them anymore. 

"How do you get through it?", his voice wobbled.

"Well,you'll learn how the chemo makes you feel. From there, you'll figure out what works for you.", Robyn encouraged passing along the secrets of cancer treatment.

You can ask for numbing cream so the needle doesn't hurt. The pre-meds before chemo help alleviate side affects. Robyn like peppermint while Tenzen likes to chew gum to help with the taste. Robyn likes to put Vicks under his nose to help with the smell. Make friends here, it passes the time. Pack a snack. Chew ice. Eat something even if you don't feel it. Drink lots of water. Bring lip balm and lotion. A pair of warm socks. Sleep. Go for a walk. Don't fight your body. Listen to what your body tells you it needs. Always listen to the doctor. Following post-chemo care instructions makes a tremendous difference.

"Is it always so cold?"

" 'Often, yes. Blankets help."

"Sometimes it makes you hot, depends on the drugs.", Tenzen shrugs.

"Thank you both."

"It's our job, Ben, we help guide each other.", Tenzen offered with a wisdom that no twenty year old should know. 

"Tell me about your boy.", Robyn smiles, gesturing at the picture. 

"His name is Anakin, and he's nine.", Obi-Wan smiles softly for the first time all morning. 

  
Obi-Wan finds the first few hours or so treatment he feels okay. It's cold and uncomfortable. When he feels itchy, the nurse gives him Benadryl. his head hurts as the headache builds at the base of his neck. He doesn't have the energy or attention span to read or watch tv. He passes the time listening to music, and sleeping that first day. Once the nurse feels he's tolerating chemo well, they turn up the pace. He finishes the first infusion in four and half hours. There is blessedly, about a forty five to sixty minuet grace period between the end of the infusion and the first of the side affects.

He spend the afternoon vomiting at home in the 'fresher. At one point, he's miserably fighting diarrhea and vomiting simultaneously. The first chemo is spent curled mostly curled up in a ball on the couch. The day after feels like the worst hangover in Obi-Wan's life. The side affects worsen after that first chemo, but he finds the post treatment medication helps. But nothing touches his side affects that first 24 hours post chemo. He just feels awful. Most of the time, he feels okay enough, even having spurts of energy where he can just be Master Kenobi and teach Anakin. He prefers routine, going about his day as normally as possible. 

Robyn was right, he does figure out what works for him. Obi-Wan learns how different drugs affect his body, what timeline the side affects happen in and how to structure his life around treatment. They find a rhythm and routine, once that become second nature to Kenobi and Skywalker. It helps that the Council steps up, and so do Obi-Wan's friends. They don't face treatment alone. 

* * *

His hair begins to come out in clumps about three weeks after that first chemo. Obi-Wan doesn’t wait for his hair to fall out. He asks Plo to help him, he sits a stool in the living room allowing the Jedi Master to buzz his head. Anakin nervously fidgeting as he watches. He had liked watching Obi-Wan's hair grow out, they both had. Obi-Wan never liked his Padawan length hair. He had planned to grow it out, jealous of Qui-Gon's lusciously locks.

"Padawan?", Obi-Wan asks. 

"You are sick, and it's not going away.", Anakin's voice hitched. 

"I may always be sick, Anakin. 

"I don't want you to be sick." , Anakin chews his lip. 

"No one wants to be sick, little one. All we can do is the best we can." 

Anakin runs to his bedroom, and returns with a pouch in his hand. He pulls out a bead, This is for you."

It makes Obi-Wan laugh, "What is it?"

"A bead for bravery. For each time you go through something new, you'll get a bead.", Anakin smiled helping Obi-Wan thread a few decorative beads on a string. Just as Anakin wears his Padawan bread, Obi-Wan wears that necklace around his neck with pride.

Obi-Wan gives Master Plo a grateful smile.

* * *

Sometimes, Obi-Wan takes Anakin with him to the hospital. They teach him to play Sabbac. Anakin grows quite fond of Robyn and Tenzen. It makes him feel better to know Obi-Wan has friends here. Once the short, intense phase of the induction period passes, Obi-Wan's treatments are steady, shorter and outpatient. He receives chemo on Fridays, then he can spent Saturday recovering.

The sessions last about two to three hours once a week. Obi-Wan is well liked by the staff and nurses alike. Anakin holds his hand during the first part of the infusion. The knight doesn't want him to be afraid of cancer, death and illness. Cancer becomes as much as apart of their lives as katas, mediation, and lessons in the Creche. Anakin and Obi-Wan do not run from it but face it head on together, Padawan and Master, partners, brothers, friends. 

In the halls of the hospital, Obi-Wan learns to negotiate with his own body. It is a dedicate dance, one he learns to master. He learns how to calm a new patient, teaches mediation and prayer. Someday, he'll hold dying soldiers in his arms, rub away hurt, and soothe the mourning. Just as Melida/Daan taught Obi-Wan Kenobi how to lead a war, these are moments here that teach Obi-Wan about the mystery of life. Skills he'll need when the war comes to the Republic, and the Jedi Knight heeds the call to defend Her once again.

Anakin faces attachment head on, it is not easy for him nor Obi-Wan when a friend dies.There are friends who come into their lives, sometimes for a moment, sometimes forever. This would not be the first time Anakin Skywalker would find himself at Obi-Wan Kenobi's side in the struggle for survival. However, there was an intended consequence, a seed of darkness planted in the boy's heart. Why is there death? You would think the Jedi would find a way using the Force to stop death. No one should die from a barbaric treatment like chemo.

After a particular rough session of chemo, the boy asks, "Why is there suffering, Master?" 

"Until we achieve liberation, young one, there will always be suffering. This is why we pursue spiritual enlightenment as Jedi. "

"I don't understand, Obi-Wan. You haven't done anything to deserve suffering. You're good, and you're kind. A perfect Jedi." 

"Suffering is part of existence. When we don't get want we want, we suffer. When we think something or someone will make us happy, we suffer. Sometimes from simply being human, we suffer." 

"Why can't the Jedi use the Force to stop suffering?"

"It is not the will of the Force." 

Anakin is troubled by this, surely there are uses of the Force the Jedi simply haven't thought of yet. There does not have to be pain and suffering. There does not have to be death. Surely, no one benefits from the evils of slavery and injustice. No one should ever face an incurable illness only to shrivel up and die. When Anakin becomes a Jedi Master, there will be no more suffering, he promises himself this. There are lessons to be learned in the halls of the hospital for them both. One will walk away rooted in the light, and the other seduced by the darkness. 


End file.
